What Do You Want From Me?
by GlitterBaby94
Summary: This is a Collab-Story bw me & Gray from Twitter. Follow us : @GrayBooWho and @MissxGlitterz    What happens when 2 highschool sweethearts see eachother after 10 years of seperation? Will the love stil be there? Or has it died...?
1. Chapter 1

Adam snuck up behind Tommy and grabbed his waist, making the smaller

man jump and gasp. The redhead chuckled and kissed the blonds' neck;

holding him close to his chest. The blond fit perfectly there. It was

like they were two puzzle pieces that were made specifically to fit

one another and never be taken apart.

"Shit, Adam! You scared the fuck out of me!" Tommy exclaimed,

smiling and reaching his hand back and running his fingers through his

boyfriend's hair.

"I love scaring you, my darling. You're so cute…" Adam mused

back, kissing Tommy's cheek, not giving a shit about all the weird

looks and whispers of the students that passed them. They weren't

very accepting of their 'lifestyle' and thought it was immoral, but

whatever. That didn't matter at all. This couple was the top of their

game at this point.

This is Tommy Joe Ratliff and Adam Mitchel Lambert. They've been

boyfriends since they started high school, and now they're in the

12th grade, and couldn't be happier with each other. Sure, they

weren't the most popular couple (and most certainly wouldn't win

Prom king and queen), but they could care less about the opinions of

their ignorant classmates and peers because they had each other and

that was good enough for them. And to be honest, and trying not to

sound cliché, this wasn't just a petty little relationship that

would end after six months, it was true love. How many gay males find

their soul mate in high school? Not many.

Tommy rolled his eyes and kissed Adam's cheek, leaning into his chest

and sipping his vanilla milkshake. "You're such a loser,

ginger…" Tommy said, glancing up at Adam that had a few freckles

gracing his nose and bright red hair. The redhead growled, biting his

bottom lip as to not insult his boyfriend. He hated being called

ginger so much, and Adam wasn't one for violence, but if anyone -

other then Tommy- were to call him that, he would sucker punch the

sorry bastard. So he just shrugged and leaned over, taking the straw

within his mouth and sucking on it. The sweet taste of sugar dripped

down his throat.

"Whatever, elf boy. Now where do you want to go for lunch?" Adam

asked, smirking as he heard Tommy sigh angrily. Well, whatever,

payback's a bitch. And besides, he was Adam's little elf. It was

utterly stunning.

"I wanna go to…That sandwich place. You know that one with the

vegan burger you like so much," Tommy smiled and took Adam's hand

within his own and began walking to said diner. He threw the empty cup

in a trash can and leaned his head on his taller boyfriend's

shoulder. They didn't talk; they didn't need too. That was the

great thing about their relationship. They didn't need to talk in

order to communicate. It was amazing the way they read each other's

eyes.

Sure, they were polar opposites:

Adam was a straight A student who participated in theater and after

school activities. His parents were proud and accepting of who he was

with Tommy. And Adam was a happy teenager, loving every minute of his

life (except for the occasionally and random jock that would pester

him about being a faggot), and loved Tommy to the fullest.

Tommy on the other hand was a rebel; achieving straight C's and hated

everything about school and what it had to offer. His parents hated

him for being gay and shunned him for all he was worth, but they never

kicked him out. It was just extremely awkward. He didn't speak unless

spoken too, and they didn't talk to him. Normally he would just stay

in his room-which was completely alright for him. He would just text

Adam all the time.

But this is why they loved each other so much. They balanced each

other out which was perfect. But Tommy was about to tell Adam

something that would make their perfect relationship shatter before

their very eyes.

Adam sat down at a booth and ordered his vegan burger. Tommy ordered

the taco salad and stared at his chipped black nails, fiddling with

his fingers. He was gnawing on his bottom lip and Adam glanced at his

distressed boyfriend, laying a hand on his back.

"Boo, what's wrong?" the redhead asked, hating to see his

boyfriend in an uncomfortable position. If anything was out of order,

he would want to know and try to make his baby feel better. That was

at the top of his to-do list.

"N-Nothing…Just Adam, I have to tell you something…" he

whispered, looking away.

Adam froze, thinking the worst. Tommy was going to break up with him.

He knew it. Tommy was just too good for him and he wanted to break up.

He knew that if the blond didn't love him anymore, Adam wouldn't be

able to survive. Oh, shit-

"I'm moving to Florida…My parents think it'll be best if I move

away from you. They're hoping my grades will rise and maybe, by some

impossible miracle, I'll turn straight. I'm so sorry, baby,"

Tommy said, tears rising to his eyes, but he blinked them away, not

wanting to seem weak. Adam on the other hand pulled Tommy out of his

seat and into his lap, burying his head into Tommy's hair.

"Baby, I'm so sorry, I…" He was at a loss for words. His baby,

soul mate, sweetheart, was going to be taken away from him. The very

thought ripped his heart to shreds.

"No, don't apologize…" Tommy murmured, taking Adam's face

within his hand and looking at him hard. "I don't know when we'll

see each other again, but baby, we'll meet up, I promise…" he

mused, smiling.

He just hoped his promise wouldn't be broken.


	2. Chapter 2

"NEXT!" Adam barked from behind a small table, annoyance and

frustration in his voice. "Can no one play a fucking instrument these

days?"

This is Adam Lambert, the once ginger headed geek from highschool,

remember him? Now he is the Music icon of the year. Runner up from

American Idol season 8. And now here he is, in LA California,

auditioning musicians for his upcoming Nation Wide Tour promoting his

first album, For Your Entertainment. My, how ones life can change in

the short span of 10 years...

Adam and his musical director, Monte Pittman, are doing auditions for

a drummer, a keyboardist, and a bassist for their rockband. Monte is

taking the place of the guitarist, since he already is a pro at

playing and has been playing for years; plus, him and Adam have been

friends for the past 6 years. And they have already found a good

drummer, and an amazing keyboardist, they are now insearch of a damn

good bassist. But none of the little kids that have tried out can play

for shit and it's pushing Adam to his breaking point.

"I said NEXT! Shit..." Adam closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of

his nose, attempting to releive the now forming migrain. He scribbles

something down on a notebook and remains staring down.

He heared the door of the studio room open and without even looking

up, he continues with his usual speal before each victim performing

their worthless act. Yeah, he can be a dick when he gets annoyed.

Comes with the life of being a rockstar.

"What do you play?" Boredom, and I-Could-Care-Less apparent in his

voice.

"Uuh..the bass.."

Adams heart stops. His breath lodged in his throat. Lips parted from

the gasp that just escaped. That voice...that slightly feminine yet

little boy voice...the voice of his long lost highschool sweetheart...

The voice of TommyJoe Ratliff.

After what seems like an eternity, Adam looks up from his

notebook...eyes dead...heart failing to beat...hands shaking...and

before him is the love of his life. The only man he's ever loved. He

whispers Monte to give him a minute. He gives Adam a quizzical look

but obeys his boss's orders.

"Hey, ginger..." Tommy squeeks. He's standing awkwardly in the middle

of the room, his cherry red bass hanging limply across his body, his

hands folded quaintly infront of him. He hasn't changed much at all.

"Tommy..." was all Adam could muster. He's in pure shock. No other

word could describe it.

He stands up from the table, and slowly makes his way to where the

blonde is standing. He walks as though if he makes any sudden

movements, Tommy is going to aperate right before his eyes. "Is it

really you..?"

Tommy giggles, (yes he giggles dammit), and looks down at his body as

though he's checking himself for something. "Haha, I'm pretty sure

it's me."

Adam couldn't wait anymore, he runs over to his baby and glomps him

with kisses and a huge hug that knocks the wind out of him. He

squeezes him-wrapping his hand around the blondes head-afraid to let

him go, that if he does he may lose him all over again. And he won't

allow that. His heart couldn't take it.

Tommy returns the hug graciously, tears leaking from his light brown

eyes, tears if joy. Tears full of love. "God, I missed you...I missed

you so fucking much!"

"I missed you too, Tommy! Oh my God...what are you doing here?" Adam

asks, finally releasing the older man from his grasp. Wiping the tears

that broke free.

"Well I was in Florida, and I was at this cafe and saw a flyer on the

wall for auditions for band members for Adam Lambert's Glamnation

Tour. At first I thought it was someone else that just happened to

have your name, but I looked at the picture of the guy on the poster

and it didnt look anything like you. Black choppy hair, gauges, eye

makeup, but then i saw those eyes...your eyes. And I knew it was you;

I knew I had to go. I didn't care if the auditions were across the

country, I had to see you again. I couldn't break my promise." Tommy

explains, his voice starting to crack. God, how he missed his ginger.

But now he had find a new nickname for him, a new name to signify

their new life together.

"Its been 10 years...we stopped talking 8 years ago...I haven't heard

from you for 8 years, Tommy...I thought you moved on and forgot about

me..." the sadness in Adams voice breaks Tommys heart.

But he will put the joy and life back in his baby's voice. He will

never leave his side. Ever again. Nothing or no one will ever seperate

them for as long as he has a say in it.


	3. Chapter 3

It was pretty obvious that Adam hired Tommy as his bassist. Not only

because he was his life long love, but because he was a kick ass

bassist, just simply amazing at it. When Tommy began to play, the

singer was completely intrigued in the tone. He couldn't wait to get

Tommy alone (not only for hot-I haven't seen you in forever- sex),

but so he could sing and hear Tommy. It would be amazing. So, now

Adam's band was formed and he had his boyfriend back…Or ex-

boyfriend. He wasn't really sure. They've been separated for ten

years…In that amount of time, could Tommy have not wanted him

anymore? No, that's ridiculous. I mean, he auditioned and did all

this just to see the singer, so…That had to mean something right?

"Well, Adam, you have your band formed. Good job, buddy!" Monte

said, grinning and patting Adam on the back. "Just in time too, the

AMA's are coming around and you get to do the closing act!" Monte

said happily. Adam had known about the AMA's for about two weeks now,

and he was pretty shocked that they chose him to do this. However, he

wasn't gonna complain. He just wanted to shock the audience is all.

Adam blushed and glanced at Tommy who looked wide-eyed and his mouth

was open. Fuck yea, the blond was surprised that his once loser (not

to him), sweet, and nobody high school sweetheart was going to be

closing the god damn AMA's! He never thought that his lover's life

would turn out this way. But he was as happy as shit that he was able

to be a part of it. Good thing for Tommy he decided to go into that

café…

"Baby! That's great!" Tommy exclaimed, jumping on Adam's back

and giving him a big hug. The singer blushed even more, but smiled

wider, grabbing the back of Tommy's knees and holding him up in a

piggy back ride position. The brunet still remembered giving Tommy's

piggy back rides when they were younger, and the blond absolutely

loved them so much. And Adam was more then happy to give them to him.

Monte just looked at them like they were insane.

"Love at first sight?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. The blond just

looked at the guitarist from over Adam's head and glared a bit. Yes,

Tommy was a jealous motherfucker. In fact, he once beat up a girl for

looking and flirting with Adam. It led it for two months suspension,

but that bitch was running her fingers down Adam's chest! WHAT THE

HELL? Adam was flattered that Tommy loved him that much, but the

singer wasn't one for violence…However, Tommy was a violent little

motherfucker.

"No. Sorry, Tommy, this is my best friend Monte, Monte, this is

Tommy, my…uh…"

"His boyfriend," Tommy hissed, glaring at Monte. Best friend huh?

Then his eyes landed on the golden wedding band around Monte's hand

and he let out a sigh of relief. Alright, so this guy isn't gonna hit

on Adam, good. No ass kicking tonight.

Adam let out a little sigh, but smiled. So they were boyfriends, even

after this long period of time. He was so happy, he could just…But

then Adam had his daily urge and he twitched a bit, panting. He gently

put Tommy down with a smile and glanced at Monte.

"Hey, where's my bag?" he asked, getting a bit jittery. Oh, yes.

It was that time of day. Actually, every minute was that time of day,

but Adam was long overdue right now.

"It's on your chair. What's up?" he asked, eyeing Adam wearily.

Tommy frowned from being separated from the warmth of his boyfriend.

Normally, Adam would never let Tommy go. What was so important that he

would drop his boyfriend for?

"Nothing. I just really need to go to the bathroom. I haven't taken

a piss all day…" Adam smiled and cupped Tommy's face in his hand

and licked his cheek before quickly grabbing his bag and fast-walking

to the bathroom. He locked it off to everyone else and threw his bag

on the counter, unzipping it and taking out his needle.

"Shit, Adam…You said you would stop…" he said to himself,

licking his lips as he tied a band tightly on the top of his arm and

he flicked the tip of the needle, sloshing the drug together. "Just

one more time…" he mused, stabbing the needle deep in his arm and

groaning. He pressed down, feeling the liquid scorch into his arm and

rush through his pumping veins. He gasped, leaving it in; then he

smirked and pulled the needle out, gently placing it in his bag and

glancing at the knife. "No cutting right now Adam…Tonight…" he

spoke to himself, untying the band and tossing it in his bag as well.

He licked his lips, zipping his leather messenger bag back up and

draping it over his shoulder. He wiped off the bit of blood on his

forearm and made sure to make his sleeve go all the way down so Tommy

wouldn't be able to see his recent cutting scars of the holes

penetrating his skin. He sighed and unlocked the door, walking out and

smiling as he got to Tommy, spanking him on the ass. Monte had already

left and the blond waited for his boyfriend to come out of the bathroom.

Adam smiled when Tommy took his hand, and he hoped that his dirty

little secret would remain undisclosed to his lover.


	4. Chapter 4

Adam and Tommy left the rehearsal studio and he had told Adam how he

flew out to LA spure of the moment; strictly for the audtiton and had

nothing planned for shelter or means of transportation. Adam told him

that he would be more than welcome to stay with him at his apartment

and that he wouldn't need to worry about transportation because he

could use Adams limo (yes, he had his own limo. Because he's Adam

fucking Lambert and is beast like that).

"Wow...It's unbelievable how gracious life has been to you this last

decade." Tommy states taking a seat next to Adam in the back of the

awaiting limo out front. "I didn't even know you could sing. Now, I

feel like a terrible boyfriend...I'm sorry, babe..four years together

and I had no-" tommys voice, a now baerely audible whisper, was

interrupted by the lips of his past lover. Lips like

candy...hmmm..literally, they tasted of cherry lipgloss and coffee.

"No one knew." was all Adam said, replacing his lips wit his index

finger. Tommy slumps down into his seat and gives Adam a little smile

to show he understands. "Hmm, you had...tequila? Really?" Adam asks

licking his lips, the faint taste of the pungent alcohol on his taste

buds.

Tommy nods, slightly embarassed..."I was nervous, and I needed

something to calm my nerves.." he glances up into the sky blue eyes

before him, humor dancing within them. "What?"

Adam chuckles, "Why so nervous? You have always been an amazing bass

player."

The look Tommy gives him causes Adam to burst out laughing. Oh how

Tommy missed that sound...his laugh could turn his darkest days into

days full of love and sunshine and roses (oh shut up!).

"Im just kidding, baby. But really though, why were you so nervous?

What, did you think I was not gonna remember who you were, or

something?"

"I don't know...maybe...or you would get mad at me and tell me that

you moved on and never wanted to see me again.." Tommy sounded and

looked like a helpless child. Hands folded in his lap, subconciously

chipping away at the black on his nails, nibbling on his bottom lip.

Adam desperatly wanting to kiss those lips.

Adam gently takes Tommy by his chin and lifts him up to look at him in

the eyes. "Not a day went by that I didn't think of you. Not a night

went by that I didn't dream of you...of us...so many times I wanted to

pick up the phone and call you but couldn't..." Adams ocean blue eyes

quivering from tears threatening to fall. His voice like silk.

Tommy lays his hand gently on the cheek of the brunette beside him, "I

wanted to call you and give you my new number, I did. But when my

parents moved us all to Florida my only means of communication with

you was email but then when my dad found out I was talking to you he

closed my account and took away my computer. They were dammed and

determined to keep us from eachother. And at the time there was

nothing I could do about it."

Every word Tommy spoke was from his heart...he did all he could to

keep intouch with his boyfriend but his parents did all they could to

keep them apart. But he promised Adam that they would meet again, and

the moment he saw his boyfriend on the wall of the cafe he knew he had

to keep his promise. No way could he keep himself away from the love

of his life any longer.

"After you stopped replying to my emails I kind of got the impression

you found someone better...someone there, where I couldn't be...but

then when I heard your voice in the rehearsal room today I felt all

these dormant emotions resurface again...i never thought I'd see you

again..." Adam lowers his head as several tears hit his knee.

Tommy straddles his boyfriend and cradles his head on his shoulder,

letting him cry...he holds him the rest of the ride to Adams

apartment. Eventually Adams breathing levels out and his tears cease

from falling any longer.

Once the driver stops the limo, Tommy gets off of Adam and exits the

car. Walking over to Adams side, opening his door, and taking his

hand. Such a polite young man. Adam takes tommys outstretched hand and

allows him to lead him to the front door.

Once the two men are inside the apartment, it's almost like someone

flicked a switch. Before Adam could barely shut the door, Tommys mouth

was ravaging the singers lips. A moan escapes Adams lips as tommys

hands circle up his back to his head, fingers tugging on the jet black

strands there. Tommy runs his tongue along Adams lips, begging for

entrance. Adam gladly opens his lips to allow his boyfriends tongue to

duel with his for dominance. Adams tongue winning the match.

Tommy breaks the kiss only for air and brings his lover over to the

couch in the middle of the living room. Smirking, he shoves Adam onto

the couch and stradles his hips. Kissing the sensitized flesh of his

neck. Adam throws his head back giving Tommy better access. God, how

he missed the feel of his lovers warm skillful lips against his flesh.

A sensation he thought he'd never feel again.

Adams senses were on overload, it had been months since his last

sexual encounter and the last one he had been trashed. Drunk, stoned

sex was not a feeling he prefers to recollect. So to have the touch of

the only man he'd ever loved was beyond euphoria for him. He couldn't

barely handle it.

Lost in his drunken pleasure, Adam doesn't feel Tommy remove his black

Armani shirt. So he could not protest when he felt the bassists lips

against his throbbing chest or when his hands take hold of his wrists

and hold them aside. Oh how he now wishes he had stopped Tommy...

"What the fuck, Adam..." Tommy rasps through his heavy breathing.

Adam attempts to snatch his wrists away in shame, hoping that if he

succeeds in this Tommy will forget what he just discovered.

Adam doesn't respond...only turns his head away from the burnig eyes

of the blonde sitting on his lap. A lump caught in his throat, Adam

tries to keep the tears at bay. But to no avail. The salt water leaks

from the corners of his lined eyes...leaving a trail of black down his

cheek.

"What are these, Adam? Answer me!" Tommy raises his voice at his

boyfriend, shaking and squeezing his wrists.

Fresh bloody gashes line his pale underarms, countless purple and red

scars decorate his slender wrists . None of which are going the same

way. Some long and thick, some short but deep. The sight sickens

Tommy. He then feels his stomach do summersaults when he sees the

hundreds of tiny purple holes by his elbow and along his forearm. So

his boyfriend is now a depressed junkie...He has to swollow to keep

his small lunch down. Tears streaming from his brown eyes. This time,

tears of pain..betrayel..but most of all..tears of fear. Fear of

losing the love of his life.

"T-Tommy...I-I'm sorry..." Adam rasps..choking back more tears. He

never wanted Tommy to see his dirty little secret, but he should have

known better. Tommy was smarter than that, he would have found out

eventually...he just hoped it wouldn't be this soon. I mean, it's the

first time they have seen eachother after a decade of being seperated

from one another and now what should have been a very intimate

reunification has turned into a painful intervention. 'Fuck my

life...' thinks the brunette.

"You need to stop. Now." Tommy demands. It wasn't a suggestion. He

wasn't giving Adam a choice. He was giving him orders that he had to

follow.

"Its not that easy, baby..." whispers the singer...tears still

streaming down his face. His once glamorous makeup now smeared and

streaking down his face.

"Its going to be that easy, or I'm out of here." Tommy states,

standing up from Adams lap. Adams shocked expression following his

every move.

"W-what do y-you mean...?" fright in his voice. Did Tommy just

threaten him? No...he couldn't have. He just got here.

"If you don't stop this..this SHIT..then I'm moving back to Florida.

Fuck the band. I'm not having a junkie cutter for a boyfriend. Your

better than this trash and you know it, babyboy." Tommys voice like

needles (no pun intended) piercing through Adams already aching heart.

Babyboy? He's never called him that before...he practically whined

it..Adam wasn't a baby..but he sure was acting like one at this

moment...

"Tommy, let me explain.." Adam begs, standing up from his couch.

Feeling lightheaded from crying, and arising too quickly. He has to

grasp the arm f the couch to prevent himself from falling over.

"I don't want to hear it. Not now. I can't even look at you right at

this moment!" Disgusting in the bassist once tender gentle voice.

Before Adan could protest, Tommy was storming out the small apartment.

Leaving Adam by the couch..shirtless and awe stricken.

Tommy just walked out on him. He couldn't believe it...his whole world

slipped from his ring-clad fingers almost as quickly as it arrived...

"FUCK!"

Adam falls to the floor, clutching his heart and pounding the floor in

pain and frustration. Tears like rivers down his face.

He knew what he had to do.


	5. Chapter 5

Adam sniffled, feeling his heart shatter and break slowly into

millions of pieces. He didn't know what he was supposed to do. All he

knew was that he couldn't handle these emotions on his own. He knew

that without the help of some kind of substance to numb his system, he

would be virtually incapable to keep himself alive. Sure, Adam had

attempted to commit suicide before (he was pretty messed up, even if

no one saw it), but he never actually succeeded, which sucked ass.

But what if he didn't want to keep himself alive? What if he wanted

to die? Tommy obviously didn't love him as much as he had thought.

Because if indeed, the blond loved Adam, he wouldn't be mad at him,

he would be concerned or something of that nature. A true lover

wouldn't walk out on their boyfriend in their times of need. He would

stay and comfort Adam, tell him everything is going to be alright.

Hold him in his arms and kiss him. Adam would love nothing more then

to kiss this blond and release all his sorrows on his tiny shoulders,

knowing that he had support he desired so long to have. But no…Tommy

just walked out on him in disgust, and that kind of pissed Adam off.

Alright, understatement of the year, that REALLY screwed with the

brunet's mind. He needed to get a grip, to feel in control.

While practically chewing off his bottom lip, Adam got up and walked

to his bathroom, opening up the cabinet where he kept all his heroine

needles and shots. He grabbed a fresh, full needle and took off the

case. He did his usual thing; tying the band around his arm tightly,

flicking the needle, everything to get set up. But when he pressed the

tip of the sharp object against the inner part of his elbow he looked

at himself in the mirror and whimpered. Who the fuck was he? Didn't

he love Tommy? He did…He did love Tommy. And if in fact he loved the

bassist as much as he claimed, then he would stop this addiction and

find him, tell him how sorry he was.

But why the fuck would he do that? Why would he be the one to

apologize? It's not his fucking fault that Tommy didn't try harder

to communicate with him. Oh no, his daddy took away his email- its

called snail mail jackass. And plus, he could have totally gone to a

payphone to call Adam. There were so many other options to communicate

with the brunet. And it's because of the long distance relationship

that Adam ended up this way. So, he guessed Tommy didn't love him

nearly as much as he claimed, that little bastard. And to think that

Adam got addicted to drugs and cut himself on a frequent basis for

that sorry little son of a bitch.

And without another thought, Adam pressed the needle deep into his

skin and pressed down, feeling the liquid flood over his body. He

groaned, licking his chapped and pale lips. He knew that he shouldn't

shoot up more then once a day. Hell, doing it seven times a week is

terrible on his body, but right now, he needed to feel numb. And hell,

if it kills him, it kills him. What does he have to live for anymore?

Tommy doesn't love him nearly as much as he first thought, and his

life was complete shit. So what he was a rock star with an endless

supply of money, and an upcoming tour? What was the point of all that

if he didn't even have the person he loved?

He groaned again, ripping out the needle and feeling the blood run

down his arm. Ya know what? Screw it. He's not gonna stop the

bleeding. Let's just bleed all over the god damn motherfucking place.

No, but he wasn't satisfied with the pain. He needed something more.

Something that would send him over the edge. Adam smirked as he walked

into the kitchen and reached up on top of his fridge and pulled out a

box of cigarettes. He doesn't remember the last time he had these

babies. He had to quit because of his voice, but if he kills himself,

he doesn't have to worry about damaging his vocals anymore, does he?

Oh, no…But they felt so smooth running down his throat. Right now

seemed like the perfect time to take advantage of their soothing power.

Adam pulled out a light and lit it, sucking in the sweet nectar of tar

as he walked over to his coat rack and threw on his leather black

trench coat. He took the cigarette out of his mouth and exhaled,

walking out of his apartment and running down to his own red Mustang

where he stuck the keys in the ignition and turned it on, screeching

out of the parking lot. No limo, he needed to feel in control, to feel

wild and free. He took another whiff of the heated object before

burning the bud of it into his scarred wrists and whimpering, loving

the heat and electrical shock that coursed through his body. He

twisted it in further into his flesh before flicking it out of the

open window. It became blistered and leaked out blood, but he didn't

give a shit.

He gasped and turned to the left into the nearest bar and in a flash

he was inside, ordering drink after drink, after drink; until his

entire system was numb, and his body was doing things it shouldn't be

doing…Rubbing his hands up and down some guy's chest, flirting,

kissing…What was happening? Why was he so light headed? His wrist

hurt like a bitch too…And he felt blood dripping down his arm, but he

didn't know why. The alcohol had taken the toll on his body, and he

didn't even know what was happening. The drinks kept coming and he

kept drinking, his arm throbbing in pain. And this pretty blond boy

next to him, tempting to bring him home and fuck him wild. He didn't

want to…This blond boy wasn't his blond boy. He wanted Tommy…

But the next thing he knew, he was on top of said pretty blond haired

boy, and he was ripping his shirt open on his couch. It felt wrong, so

wrong, knowing that just a couple hours ago; he was on this very couch

making out with his true love. Now he had some drunken whore as

placement, and it didn't feel right. In the back of his mind, he knew

this was going to come back to bite him in the ass, but the heroine

and the beers were talking for him now, and they said that he needed

to screw this guys HARD. But he didn't want too, the terrible

substances in his body wanted to screw this boy. Why? Why is Adam so

messed up? He use to be such a good boy and now, he's turned into a

drug addicted bastard…

He groaned and leaned down, sucking the male's nipple and biting at

it with his teeth. His head was pounding, and he felt like he was just

gonna pass out from the pain and heartache. He was becoming light

headed, but then didn't stop him from unbuckling his belt and glaring

at his victim. He just needed to fuck this guy up…

But his head snapped up when he saw his apartment door open and

small Tommy standing there with wide eyes…


	6. Chapter 6

Adam is frozen, his body locked ontop of the blonde boy beneath him.

The boy looks around confused, still drunk from the club, he only can

loll his head back onto the arm of the couch looking quite pathetic.

Tommy doesn't say anything...no tears are shed...just cold dead eyes

piercing straight through Adam's tortured soul. He is unable to move

or even breathe.

"What are you doing here?" 'you idiot, he missed you and here you are

about to fuck some whore' Adam mentally dictates himself. He knows

that what he was about to was wrong, but he couldn't bring himself to

care at the moment.

"I...I..don't know...I'm clearly not welcome here anymore..." with

each word another bullet is shot straight through Adams shattered

heart. He could see the death in Tommys eyes and to be honest, it

scared him. Enough to snap him out of his drunken state and give him

the ability to remove himself from the couch. The boy just slumps off

the couch with a thudd. How pathetic... Gabbing like the drunken idiot

he was, he grabs his shirt and exits the apartment. Shooting the

petrified Tommy a smirk before walking out the door. That boy had some

nerve!

Tommy let's out a shakey sigh, setting down the small bag he was

carrying-looked as though it came from a gift shop or some small

boutique. He slowly closes the door. Leaving his shakey hand on the

handle, Tommy refuses to look at the eyes of the cheating man now

standing in the middle of the living room before him. He couldn't bare

to make eye contact with the man that just cheated on him with some

drunken floozey on the same couch him and Adam had almost made love on

not 3 hours ago.

"Im going home. Your not who I remember. Your not the Adam Lambert i

fell inlove with in highschool. Your some emo drunken junkie." Oh how

Tommy hated labels..but no other words could describe the singer at

this point. "Sex, drugs, and Rock and Roll, huh? Guess it comes in

some sort of bubble deal. You get one, you get all of them." It

destroyed him to speak those words to the love of his life. None of

which he meant. He knew he didn't mean what he said. Oh how he wanted

to take Adam into his arms, hold him, and kiss him, telling him that

it's alright. That he forgives him & they can overcome this. But

something inside Tommy restrains him from doing so. Resulting in the

death of what could have been.

Adam slowly makes his way over to his boyfriend...or ex-boyfriend now,

he assumes. The pain in Tommys voice could bring the strongest man

down to his knees from an aching heart. Words like poison no less.

The reality of what Adam had just done began to kick him in the balls

as the high from the heroine and the beers from the club began to wear

off. Fuck, he really fucked things up now...no way was Tommy gonna

want to stay..let alone forgive him. No point in apologizing. It

wouldn't make a difference. Adam had come to terms with the fact that

he ruined any future he had with his former high school sweetheart.

'Wow, Adam. Fucked your whole future up in less than 24 hours...that

must be a new world record' banters his little mental demon. The

bastard was getting on Adams nerves. Mostly because he knew he was

right...

"I won't stop you." Adam blantly says. All the alcohol free from his

speech. 'Stop him! Beg him to forgive you. Don't let him walk out of

your life again!' battles that blasted demon again. He really needs to

make up his damn mind.

"Very well then...if this is how it's gonna be...I'm sorry I ever came

out here. I'm sorry I tattered your Rock Star lifestyle. I'm sorry I

ever saw your battle scars."

Battle scars? Adam never thought of them that way. And now that he

does, it makes sense. He began cutting and shooting up to deviate

himself away from the battle of getting over the fact that Tommy was

no longer apart of his life and that he had to move on with his life

if he ever wanted to amount to anything. A battle he never won. A

battle he is still fighting. A battle that he is currently losing.

"Goodbye, Adam..." Tommy opens the door, leaving the forgotten bag on

the floor, and walks out of Adams life for the second time.

Adam couldn't move. Couldnt speak. Couldn't breathe. Did he just let

Tommy walk out on him again? Without even stopping him? Without even

trying to mend things together? Wow, he really was a failure at life.

"No amount of money, fame, or sex you have in your life, it don't

meant shit unless it's connected with love." (yes, I quoted Adam...it

fit perfectly).

What was he to do now? He had no boyfriend, no bassist for the band-

who gives a fuck about the band? His life is meaningless without his

Tommy. He has no reason to continue walking this earth without the

love of his life beside him. Might as well end it now. What good is he

to anyone?

Adam stumbles his way to his bathroom. Rumaging through the cabinet

beneath the sink, insearch of his little box of goodies. Ah...the pot

of gold. The treasure chest. The box in which Adam vicariously finds

his sanity.

Adam sets the box down next to the sink, and grips the edge. Knuckles

white, fingers clenching and unclenching. Bloody decorated wrists

trembling. He looked at himself in the mirror. His reflection laughing

at him. Mocking the once beautiful man. He now looked pathetic.

Useless. Good for nothing. Pure, utter trash. He really would be

better off dead...atleast he would be doing the world a favor by

ridding such a disturbing presence.


	7. Chapter 7

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. How could Adam

let him off so easily? Not even going to say he was sorry for cheating

on him? After all he went through? Tommy couldn't believe a word of

it. This wasn't his baby. His baby would never want to lose him, but

this man…This imposter living inside his lover's body would just

allow him to leave. He couldn't believe it. So he said his farewells,

leaving Adam's present which he had gotten his boyfriend on the floor

and stormed out the door.

Tommy bit his bottom lip as he ran down the stairs of Adam's complex

and into his black convertible that he rented after he left earlier. H-

Holy shit. He didn't even know what to think anymore. A-Adam was up

there about to screw some guy. How the fuck could all this drama

happen in the matter of less then 24 hours? He didn't even know. Who

was this Adam Lambert? This Adam with black hair and excessive amounts

of make-up? Who the fuck was it? It wasn't his high school

sweetheart…Or was it? Could it be that Adam has been holding onto his

dirty little secret all of his life, but Tommy was just too clueless

to figure it out? No, that's not possible. The blond knew everything

about his boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?). That was the understatement of

the year. For fuck's sake! He didn't even know Adam could sing. And

look at him. He got second place on American Idol. Maybe he was the

terrible boyfriend that led all this to happen to Adam. Maybe he was

the one that ruined Adam's life and tore their once peaceful and

loving relationship to shreds.

No. Tommy shook his head, banging his head on the steering wheel and

turning his car off, driving out of the parking lot and into the open

road. His windows were open, letting the cool breeze whip around his

heated and sad face. He needed to think this through…

To be honest, the blond felt bad for saying all that shit to Adam. He

loved Adam. And he always will. How could Tommy just have abandoned

his love like that? In his time of need. He didn't mean too. It was

all just too much for the bassist. Seeing his lover in tattered pieces

like that. He couldn't handle it, so he dealt with it

inappropriately. The blond just left him, calling him a junkie

druggie. Which was technically what he was, but Adam probably didn't

want to hear that. He probably wanted to hear an 'It's alright,

I'll love you now matter what, we'll get through this

together….'

But now he knew that Adam needed him. But then again, maybe not. He is

the one that said he could do all willy-nilly like that. If Adam did

indeed want Tommy to stay, wouldn't the brunet have fought him to

stay? No…That's stupid. He's probably hyped up on heroine or

something.

That made Tommy flinch, knowing his baby was in a helpless state right

now. Hurting himself with those needles. And cutting himself. Why the

hell was he cutting himself? He saw those scars and the holes

penetrating his skin. He was inflicting harm to himself, and that just

about tore Tommy's heart out of his chest, knowing his baby was

hurting himself on purpose. Was it because of him? Because he was away

for so long? Was he the cause of this entire shitty situation and

Adam's wounded and mangled body and mental self? No…he couldn't

have been...

Tommy needed to do something. So he would. He would make this night

romantic for him and Adam. They were going to watch a movie, and make

love. That's what they were going to do whether Adam liked it or not!

And no, they have never made love before. They've done everything in

the above, but never got down nitty gritty, and that's what Tommy was

determined to do tonight!

With a small smile on his tear stained face, Tommy started running

errands. First he stopped at the movie rental place and rented

'Velvet Goldmine', knowing his was his and Adam's favorite movie.

Then, he quickly drove to the nearest deli and ordered a vegan burger

for Adam. His favorite food (and like old times at lunch in high

school). And lastly, Tommy drove to the flouriest to get more blue

roses. They were unique and beautiful, just like his Babyboy. He was

going to make it up to him. Even if it killed him.

Then, like the wind, Tommy quickly drove back and locked his car,

carrying the blue roses in one hand, and having the bag of food and

the movie in the other. He didn't need to have a full out speech of

apology for Adam. He was just going to kiss him softly on the lips and

go down to his neck. They were going to have a nice night tonight. It

only seemed logical, right? Jesus, they're seeing each other after

ten years, and this is what happens. So much drama and they're even

out of high school!

He sighed and opened the door, looking around frantically. It was

dark, and he flipped on a switch. It was very quiet, but Tommy saw

Adam's red mustang out front, so his boyfriend didn't go anywhere.

Getting slightly worried, Tommy set the supplies down on the coffee

table in the middle of the living room and went into the kitchen,

looking around and seeing nothing.

"Babyboy?" he called out, looking left and right and not being able

to see his lover. "Adam, where are you?" he called again. He

checked the bedroom, the library, and various other rooms where Adam

was not. He was beginning to get worried until he opened the door to

the bathroom where his eyes widened, and his hands flew up to his

mouth before the tears started to streak down his face. "Holy shit,

Adam…"


End file.
